


Sixteen Days

by kat777



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon, Awkward Conversations, Backstory, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Nightmares, Sleeptalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 20:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kat777/pseuds/kat777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>She was thin, vulnerable, pure. A child in his eyes. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Until one day she wasn't.<em></em></em><br/><em></em><br/>While on the Victory Tour, Cinna and Katniss learn a lot more about themselves - and each other - than they ever expected to.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Sixteen Days

**Author's Note:**

> So, just to be perfectly clear, in case people don't read the tags - there is UNDERAGE SEX (nothing explicit or detailed though) and an AGE DIFFERENCE between the two main characters. Katniss is 16 for the duration of this story, and Cinna is 7 years older than her.
> 
> I don't own the Hunger Games. Suzanne Collins does.
> 
> Originally posted on ff.net under the user name katsintrees (previously Kat.R.777).

**Prologue**

He's not really sure how it all started. He honestly didn't see it coming. After all, he's her _stylist_. Six months ago when he walked into the Remake Center to meet her for the first time, she was just a naked tribute he was to dress, a young girl headed for slaughter.

She was thin, vulnerable, pure. A child in his eyes.

Until one day she wasn't.

**Day 1**

Cinna hears a voice call his name and turns just in time to Katniss flying down the stairs. The next thing he knows, she has almost knocked him flat with her hug.

He laughs. "Well hey there," he says, smiling down at her with his arms around her waist.

Immediately, she pulls away and steps back, as if she has just decided that her greeting was too enthusiastic. But she smiles back as she says hello.

He gets to work positioning the props – the ones that help authenticate the charade that Katniss has been developing her passion for fashion – all over the room. Katniss picks up a sketchbook and says, "You know, I think I show a lot of promise."

He swats at her elaborately braided hair, then hands her her outfit and says, "Get dressed, you worthless thing."

While she strips off all her clothes, he examines her bare body, trying to gauge whether or not he's going to need to adjust any of the outfits he's made for her. She's certainly not as thin as she was coming out of the Hunger Games, but he's already accounted for that. She's grown a little and her breasts are a bit fuller, but not enough that he would need to alter anything.

There is one significant change, though it will not affect her wardrobe too much. The last time Cinna saw her naked, her skin was entirely unblemished because she'd been given a full body polish. But this is _Katniss_ ; Katniss the huntress, Katniss the defiant, so of course in the six months that have passed since she left the Capitol, she has amassed a whole new collection of injuries.

After she has pulled on the black pants, he reaches out and brushes his thumb over a particularly nasty yellow-green bruise just above her left hipbone. He doesn't ask where she got it from and just says, "That looks like it hurt."

Katniss shrugs her slender shoulders and answers, "At least it's real."

oOo

_Real._

After the fanfare has ended, they are all safely aboard the train speeding towards District 11, and everyone has wandered off to do whatever they so choose, Cinna stands in the garment car arranging clothes and shoes and ponders the meaning of the word.

He recalls the day of Katniss's Reaping. Real is Katniss with her messy braid and her uneven eyebrows and her scowling face. He thinks of the naked girl he saw earlier today. Still real, with the scrapes and scabs and stubby nails hidden under the fake ones, but most of her visible imperfections have been removed, and tomorrow the rest will follow.

He feels a stab of horror because he knows that with every imperfection he and the prep team erase, they are erasing Katniss.

But what can he do? That is the way the Capitol works; flaws are concealed because real does not matter there.

So he pushes the thoughts out of his mind and simply hangs a green silk dress with the other District 5 gowns.

oOo

At nearly half past three in the morning, Katniss wanders into the car. Her eyes are bloodshot and it’s obvious that she hasn’t slept much, if at all.

"Katniss, what's wrong?" he asks, though he's sure he already knows.

"District Eleven tomorrow," she says. "I wish we could start somewhere else."

"You did what you could for her," Cinna reminds the young girl. "Rue wanted you to make it out, remember? Don't waste your life away drowning in regret."

"So, what, I'm not supposed to regret the fact that she died?" Her retort is angry, biting.

"No," he says quietly. "You're not supposed to regret the fact that you lived."

For several long moments, Katniss says nothing. Then she whispers, "I can't fall asleep. If you're not too busy, could you maybe— Could you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course," he says gently.

A few minutes later he’s sliding into her bed and wrapping his arms around her. He holds her the way one might hold a porcelain doll, as though she is fragile. As she begins to drift off beside him, vulnerability takes over her features, and she looks _very_ fragile.

Her breathing evens out and if he leaves now, he's sure she won't wake up.

He stays anyway.

**Day 2**

He helps Katniss into her dress and wonders if maybe the gold hairband will look better in the afternoon sun than the orange one. Katniss, meanwhile, looks like she's wondering if she's going to be able to stop herself from throwing up. Her fists are clenched so tightly her knuckles are almost turning white.

Cinna pries her fingers loose and folds his hands over hers. "Relax. You've got the scripted reply memorized, you've said it so many times."

"But everyone will expect me to say something about Thresh and—" Katniss can't bring herself to say the name of the girl who looked so like her sister, who whistled to the mockingjays, who died in her arms. "And I just don't know what to say. I'm not good at this stuff."

He sees the way her face is tinged slightly green, and thinks she really is going to be sick. He squeezes her hands hard. "You'll find the words." He pulls her to him, kisses the top of her head. "Still betting on you."

oOo

At first she's stiff, reciting a speech that belongs to the Capitol. When the script runs out, she's awkward, stammering and licking her dry lips and then falling entirely mute. The seconds drag on and she still can't speak.

District 11's mayor steps up. Katniss's chance is gone and Cinna wishes he had said the right things to encourage her, because she doesn't need any more regrets and he knows she will regret her silence for the rest of her life.

Katniss barely notices the plaque the mayor hands her. She is staring at something off screen.

She suddenly staggers forward, her mockingjay pin flashing in the sunlight, and blurts out, "Wait! Please, wait."

And as she finds her words, she is not stiff or awkward.

She is as radiant as the sun.

oOo

Katniss stumbles into the Justice Building nearly thirty minutes later, the thunderous applause clearly having left her dazed. Her bouquet slips out of her grasp and hits the floor. A Peacekeeper quickly takes the plaque from her before the same thing happens to it.

Then she looks up and sees the three of them waiting there for her—escort, mentor and stylist, just like after her Games—and her bemused eyes seem to clear.

Effie is teary and pouring out praise, and Haymitch is gazing at his victor with something that might actually be respect, but Katniss goes straight to Cinna and wraps her arms around him.

She stands on her tiptoes and whispers in his ear, "You were right. I found the words."

He holds her tight and says, "Rue would be so proud of you."

oOo

At the dinner they sit with Chaff and Seeder, two aging District 11 victors that mentor most years. He guesses that Chaff, who is missing an arm and who drinks like his life depends on it, mentors to keep Haymitch company, while Seeder, whose stern face does not hide her unmistakable kindness, mentors so her fellow victors don't have to.

Seeder hugs Katniss and tells hers, "You're an absolute vision tonight, dear, though I have to say your dress from earlier was twice as lovely."

Katniss ducks her head and says thanks, but the credit should go to her stylist. Cinna smiles at her and says, "Not necessarily. The dress is only as lovely as the girl wearing it."

Chaff laughs at her beet-red face and claps Cinna on the back. "You know what, son, I think Haymitch here was right; you're not half bad for a Capitol man."

"Thanks," he replies, grinning slightly, while Haymitch grunts and drunkenly mumbles, "I'm always right."

"Oh, ignore them." Seeder waves a hand dismissively. She fingers one of Katniss's ringlets. "You should wear your hair out of that braid more often." Then she adds, "I really did love that dress. The color suits you."

"It reminds me of sunset," Katniss says quietly. "My district partner's younger brother, Peeta, visits me sometimes, and he told me his favorite color is orange like the sunset."

Cinna recalls her mentioning the boy a couple of time when they talked on the phone. Peeta came to see her in the Justice Building after she was reaped, and defended her from his mother's bitter rage after she came home instead of his brother.

He has been extraordinarily kind to Katniss, but all Cinna can think is that a dress patterned with autumn leaves should remind her of autumn, not a baker's son, and that green suits her much better than orange.

oOo

Everyone else is already asleep, with the exception of Haymitch, so Cinna decides to go to bed an hour earlier than he did yesterday. He's almost to his compartment when he hears the scream.

**Day 3**

" _What_ is going on in here?" someone screeches, breaking through the fog that seems to surround Cinna's brain.

He idly wonders what has Effie so worked up this time. Probably Haymitch. Cinna rolls over so that he is facing the opposite direction of the noise, and feels hair brushing against his cheek.

Wait, _hair_?

He forces his eyes open and the first thing he sees is Katniss's sleeping face. He remembers hearing her scream, racing into her room and shaking her awake, having to dodge her clawing hands but hardly noticing because he’d been so focused on helping her escape whatever horrible nightmare plagued her. And then he promised to stay with her until she fell back asleep, just like he did night before last, but this time he must've fallen asleep as well instead of returning to his own bed.

Two things occur to him simultaneously: one, Effie's voice came from somewhere close by, and two, she was most likely yelling at him, not Haymitch.

He rolls back over and sure enough, there's Effie, standing in the doorway, staring at him in scandalized shock.

Cinna sits up and says calmly, "Good morning, Effie."

"Good _morning_?" she asks shrilly. "Do you have no sense of propriety whatsoever?" With every word she speaks, her voice rises in volume.

"Please keep your voice down, I think Katniss is still sleeping," is his reply.

Effie opens her mouth and then closes it, apparently too appalled to speak.

"I wish," a voice from behind him grumbles. He turns to see Katniss sit up and rub her eyes tiredly. "What time is it anyway?" she asks.

"It doesn't matter what time it is!" Effie bursts out, which must be a first because for Effie the time _always_ matters. "Young lady, what on earth is this man doing in your bed?"

Katniss considers this for a moment. "I don't know. You'd have to ask him." Her lips are twitching.

Cinna rolls his eyes and says, "Katniss here isn't used to sleeping alone. Her sister usually stays with her. She couldn't fall asleep last night, so I stayed with her because I didn't want her to get bags under her eyes. It's just extra work for the prep team."

This, of course, is one big fat lie, but he doubts Katniss wants the escort to know about her nightmares, and he especially doubts that Effie would understand if he told her he wanted to comfort Katniss because he hates to see her suffer.

"But you're her _stylist_!" Effie practically shrieks. "This behavior is not appropriate! If the reporters hear about this, it will be all over the news, the tabloids— People will _talk_ —"

"I don't understand why this is such a big deal," Katniss interrupts. "Who cares if he sleeps in my bed? Why would people gossip about that?"

Effie gives her an _Are you serious?_ look. Then she realizes, just a split second after Cinna does, that yes, Katniss is entirely serious. She really doesn't get it.

"They'll think you're having sex with him," Effie says in a tone that suggests this should've been obvious.

And she's right. It should've. But Katniss, despite the blood on her hands, is innocent in certain regards. Not to the point where she doesn't realize there are men who do despicable things to young girls, but she trusts Cinna and, as far as he can tell, has only ever thought of him as an adult, someone to look to for advice and reassurance. Almost like a parent or, more accurately, a teacher, but certainly not an object of her sexual attraction.

Katniss looks completely stunned. "But that's ridiculous!" she protests.

"I agree," Cinna says. "But others won't. I owe you an apology; I should've left before I fell asleep."

"You shouldn't have been in her room at all!" Effie says. She takes a deep breath as if to calm herself, and her usual perkiness returns. "I suppose it doesn't matter, as long as it doesn't happen again. Now we're almost to District Ten, Katniss, so why don't you go get ready for breakfast? We've got a big, big, big day ahead of us!"

She skips out of the room, leaving the door open, and eventually the click of her heels fade.

"I knew she was going to say that," Katniss groans. "I swear I'm going to shoot myself the next time she says that."

He laughs and says, "Effie will be Effie." He pauses for a second, then says in a more serious tone, "I really am sorry. I should have been more careful—"

"Don't worry about it," she cuts him off. "I can handle a bit of gossip. The nightmares, on the other hand…" A light shudder runs through her. "But really, it's fine. I just can't believe that people would think—" She breaks off, shaking her head. She gives him an odd, perturbed look and then stares down at her bed.

"All right. If it doesn't bother you…" He shrugs his shoulders. "I better leave you to get ready."

Katniss mumbles, "Okay," without looking up from her sheets.

oOo

He has two choices for her dress today: sky blue with a white ribbon like a cloud tied around her waist, or green like the pastures the cows of District 10 graze in. He thinks of sunset orange and how the green dress is shot through with gold, kind of like his eyes. He chooses green over blue, and Katniss gives him a small smile and says she likes this one even better than the District 11 dress. He doesn't stop to wonder why that feels like a victory, and instead simply decides that he was right; green is her color, not orange.

The ceremony goes much smoother this time because she's not expected to add any personal comments. For the evening event he has the prep team curl her hair again, but very loosely, and afterwards he gathers it into a ponytail a few inches below her right earlobe.

When they are done feasting on a dinner composed almost entirely of animal by-products, he asks her for a dance. She says yes, but he can see she's nervous and uncomfortable in a way that she wasn't yesterday.

Yesterday they danced together half the night; he twirled her in circles again and again and savored the sound of her subsequent laughter.

Tonight her palms are sweaty and she can't seem to meet his eyes for more than a few seconds at a time. When the song is over, she mutters something about needing to use the bathroom and darts away.

He grows increasingly alarmed as the night wears on. Does she think he is one of those men that prey on young women? Does she think he intends to take advantage of her? He would never do something like that to her—to anyone. Surely she knows that.

But as they board the train, she still won't meet his eyes.

He curses Effie Trinket.

oOo

He goes to bed the moment the train pulls out of the station, but can't fall asleep. He keeps digging his nails into his palm without realizing it, then relaxing his fingers because he doesn't want nail marks permanently carved into his skin, but then he goes back to his restless state and does it all over again. The minutes drag on and on and on and eventually turn into ten, then twenty, then thirty, then forty—

There's a quiet knock at his door. It opens before he can respond at all. He's beyond surprised to see Katniss standing there, barefoot and dressed in a big white T-shirt and flannel pants, her hair falling out of her ponytail.

She looks more like a child than ever. He's almost surprised to find her arms hanging at her sides and not clutching a teddy bear or at least a pillow.

"Can I—" She glances at the floor, then peeks back up at him.

He doesn't say anything. He just nods and lifts the covers. She climbs into bed beside him and murmurs, "I'm sorry I was acting so weird. I'm just…confused about some things. It's not you. I trust you."

He brushes a few stray strands of hair out of her face and kisses her closed eyelids.

**Day 4**

He assumes everything will be back to normal in the morning, but he's wrong.

He's pretty sure he fell asleep before Katniss did, and when he wakes up she's gone. That's not what worries him. Of course she would want to leave before Effie went looking for her. Another lecture is the last thing he wants, and he's sure the same can be said for Katniss.

No, what worries him is that when he sits down for breakfast and says good morning to everyone, she doesn't look up from her cereal bowl and give him the usual tired smile. When he gives her a hug for good luck before the District 9 ceremony starts, she leans away from him. At the dinner she sits between Effie and Haymitch.

She _never_ sits between Effie and Haymitch; she says it makes her feel like she's standing on a battlefield in the middle of no man's land, knowing that both opposing armies are going shoot at her even though she doesn't belong to either side.

There's no question that she's avoiding him, but he doesn't understand _why_. She said she trusted him. She said, " _It's not you."_ But it must be, because why else would she be avoiding him?

" _I'm just…confused about some things."_

What things? What do those things have to do with him?

He swears under his breath, causing Octavia, Flavius and Venia to give him affronted looks, and decides he's got to get an explanation before this drives him insane.

oOo

He sits at his desk, sketching an amateurish design to add to "Katniss's" collection, and waits for the prep team and Effie to drop off to sleep, half hoping Katniss will come to him like she did last night. She doesn't, and so he wanders down the train and stops at her compartment. He turns the door handle.

It's locked.

**Day 5**

"Katniss has been acting rather strange around you, hasn't she?" Venia remarks when Katniss cringes away from the hand Cinna is about to place on her shoulder and practically sprints to the stage where District 8's mayor waits.

Cinna shrugs and lies, "I think it's just nerves. This tour has got her all wound up."

"With excitement, I bet," Flavius says. "All those beautiful dresses you've made her, and all the _parties_ …" He sighs happily.

"She hasn't seen anything yet," Venia says. "Oh, I just can't wait 'til we get to the Capitol!"

"Me neither!" Octavia squeals.

The three of them fall into a fast-paced conversation on all the celebrities they'll get to meet and all the wannabes they'll be able to stick it to because only _important people_ get invitations to Capitol parties.

"Right," Cinna mutters. "Can't wait 'til we get home."

oOo

"So has Katniss told you anything?" Cinna asks after the ceremony is done and Katniss has locked herself in her room. He doesn't sound as desperate as he feels. If even the prep team has noticed something is amiss, then he has a right to be worried.

"Oh, of course," Haymitch slurs. "She spilled all her deepest, darkest secrets to me, right after we took a blood oath and swore to be bestest friends forever." The drunkard snorts and gulps down his entire glass of whiskey in one go. "Listen, boy, if you want an explanation so bad, just go _ask_ her for one."

Exasperated, Cinna says, "If I could get her to talk to me, I wouldn't need an explanation at all. And I'm twenty-three years old, I think that disqualifies me from being called a _boy_."

"I'll call you whatever the hell I want," Haymitch says, frowning at his empty glass and reaching for the bottle to refill it. "I don't know what's going on with that girl, but whatever it is, it has to do with you. I'm her mentor; I'm good for advice on how to handle brutal fights to the death and how to avoid pissing off our dear President, but that's about it."

"But that's the thing," Cinna persists. "She goes to me for all her other problems, but if her problem is me, then who is she going to talk to? Effie? The prep team?"

"All right, I see your point," the older man admits. "If she comes to me for help, I'll try to convince her to talk to you."

Cinna slumps back in his chair and says, "I suppose that's all I can really expect from you. Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet," Haymitch murmurs. "I highly doubt anything I say to her will get through that thick skull of hers. Not much does."

oOo

"My mom told me you're a hunter!" Cecelia's son says to Katniss loudly. Her two daughters are preoccupied with Katniss's dress; they keep petting the deep purple silk, pulling at the cloud-white ribbon that Cinna took from the dress he'd decided against using for the District 10 ceremony.

Cecelia herself is chatting with Effie and surprisingly does not look the slightest bit annoyed. Most of the victors aren't very fond of the escorts—or the stylists, or the prep teams, or anyone from the Capitol for that matter—and simply tolerate them, but Cecelia seems to make exception when it comes to Effie.

Katniss looks around and then puts a finger to her lips. "I am, but we have to keep our voices down because it's a secret. You can keep secrets, right?"

The nine year old puffs out his chest and brags, "Of course!"

"Kat- _niss_!" The youngest child, not even six yet, tugs on Katniss's hand. "Katniss, where'd you get such a pretty dress? Did you make it?"

"Don't be silly," her older sister says in a superior tone, tossing her caramel-colored hair and rolling her brown eyes. "The _stylists_ make the dresses, Reyla, _everyone_ knows _that_."

"Besides," her brother adds, "Katniss is a _hunter_ , she doesn't want to talk about stupid _girl_ things."

Reyla's bottom lip trembles. "I was just _asking_!" A big tear runs down her cheek.

Katniss wipes it away with her thumb and says, "Don't cry, Reyla. Look, that's my stylist right over there, see?" She points at Cinna. "His name is Cinna, and he's really nice. You can ask him all about the pretty dresses he makes. If he really likes you, maybe he'll make a special one just for you."

Reyla's whole face lights up. She bounces over to where Cinna is seated close by. He smiles at her and says, "Hello, Reyla. I'm Cinna. It's a pleasure to meet you."

The little girl smiles shyly and answers, "You too. I like your eyeliner."

He laughs. "Why thank you."

What follows is a series of rapid-fire questions about his job and the clothes he makes for Katniss. At first the older girl hovers nearby, almost green with envy, until he invites her to join in. She does, and he finds she is much nicer than he first thought.

Every so often the girls start arguing about something, and he takes the opportunity to glance at Katniss. Most of the time her attention is on Cecelia's oldest child, the boy, who he assumes is asking her questions about hunting.

But once when Cinna looks up, he catches Katniss staring at him as he talks with the girls, a strange gleam in her eyes. She immediately looks away, but he can't get his mind off of her for the rest of the night.

She trusts him with children, but not with herself. And that look in her eyes… It wasn't fear or apprehension. He finds he can't classify it as anything other than tenderness. Affection.

He really, really doesn't understand.

oOo

When the night ends, Cecelia's girls cling to him until he promises to make them both a dress to wear for special occasions. Her boy is still with Katniss, who ruffles his hair and says in a hushed voice that if it's okay with his mother, he can visit sometime and she'll take him out into the woods and teach him how to shoot. It amazes Cinna how good she is with kids. Her sullen attitude vanishes and suddenly she's all smiles and kindness. Perhaps it's some sort of big sister instinct that she developed from taking care of Prim all those years.

Then Cecelia comes over to say goodbye and gives both Cinna and Katniss hugs that are distinctly motherly.

"Thank you so much for keeping my little rascals company. I haven't seen them this excited since their grandma baked them all fudge brownies for Reyla's fifth birthday," she says, tucking a lock of caramel-colored hair behind her ear.

"It was no trouble at all, Cecelia," Cinna says. "They're good kids."

"Yes, they are," Katniss agrees. "Really, Breck can come visit anytime he likes. The rest of you, too." No, they can't, because travel between the Districts without some official purpose is strictly forbidden, but Katniss seems to be under impression that victors are exempted from this rule.

Cecelia knows better, and so she just gives the younger girl a bittersweet smile. "If I could, I'd take you up on that offer sometime." She tilts her head to the side and studies them for a moment, all traces of sadness vanishing from her expression. "You two would make good parents. I can just imagine if you had kids together, they'd be quite the lookers!" She laughs loudly and walks away before they can respond.

And Cinna doesn't understand why a joke makes Katniss's face go so red, or why his dreams that night are plagued by laughing children with green eyes and olive skin.

**Day 6**

Their visit to District 7 turns out to be a disaster. The ceremony goes perfectly, but at dinner Katniss is introduced to District 7's sole female victor: Johanna Mason.

Cinna has met Johanna before. He is friends with Finnick Odair, and Finnick is friends with Johanna. He can't recall much about the day he met her except that she was naked the entire time.

"So," Johanna says as she looks Katniss up and down. "Here's our latest addition to the freak show. Katniss Everdeen, the girl who was on fire."

Katniss bristles at her derisive tone and says, "And you're Johanna Mason, the girl who played the part of a spineless loser and then turned into a vicious killing machine."

Haymitch tenses, but Johanna just laughs. "I was right, then. You're one of _those_."

"Those?" Katniss hisses.

"One of those little girls who thinks they're so tough, when really they're just the same as everyone else," the spiky-haired victor responds coolly.

Katniss looks about two seconds away from breaking out her bows and arrows, but Haymitch shoots her a warning glance and so she simply grits her teeth, saying nothing.

Johanna turns to Cinna. "Cinna, right? Nice to see you again. I have to tell you, I love your clothes. You should think about designing for District Seven this time around. Our stylist's an idiot, always dressing the tributes as trees. We could use a change. Someone…younger," she almost purrs. Her brown eyes rake over his modestly clothed form.

He smiles but just says, "No thanks, I think I'll stick with District Twelve," because Katniss is fuming. He half expects to see steam coming out of her ears.

Really, doesn't she know better than to think he'd abandon her in her first year of mentoring? He's been offered a position with a Career district of his choice, but he turned it down. He'll always turn it down, because it's in the unpopular districts that he can really make a difference, and more than that, he doesn't want to leave Katniss.

Somehow he knows that if the female tribute had been anyone else, he wouldn't have gotten so attached, even if they survived the Games.

It's Katniss's spirit he admires. Not the way she looks when they've beautified her or the number of kills she has. If anything, he admires the way she hates all the makeup and the clothes and the falseness, the way she regrets every single death she caused.

No, he'll never turn his back on his Girl on Fire. And Cinna's sure that despite whatever problem she has with him at the moment, Katniss knows that.

oOo

Katniss and Haymitch are the last ones to board the train later, and Cinna is stunned to see that the girl has blood dripping from her right nostril and what seems to be a red handprint on her cheek, especially since her expression is one of deep satisfaction.

"What on earth happened to your face, Katniss?" Effie demands.

Haymitch rolls his eyes. "She got into a cat fight with Johanna."

Katniss almost glows as she says, "If you think _I_ look bad, you should see Johanna. I gave her a black eye and a busted lip."

" _Why?_ " Effie asks, obviously horrified.

Two sets of gray eyes flit to Cinna's face, but they both turn away so quickly that he almost believes he imagined it.

Almost.

oOo

While the two victors are holed up in an empty compartment, Cinna sits at the dinner table, waiting for at least one of them to come out.

He is sure that Katniss's fight with Johanna had something to do with him. The District 7 victor spent half the night chatting with him and dropping hints about how much she would love it if he switched to her district. She also flirted with him and gave him a very nice view of her breasts, but he's pretty sure that part was a joke and anyways, he's not interested. She's a bit too psycho for his tastes.

For the first time ever, Cinna is annoyed with Katniss. She's spent the past couple of days avoiding him, but she gets mad when Johanna Mason asks him to switch districts?

_I'd rather be with you,_ he thinks, _but you won't even talk to me._

And then he has to admit it, if only to himself.

He misses her.

**Day 7**

Cinna wakes up to find he fell asleep at the table. Someone put a blanket over him, and he thinks it must've been Katniss, because anyone else would have woken him up so he could sleep in his own bed and avoid this pain in his back and neck. He stretches and the pain intensifies for a few seconds, then lessens when he's done.

She must've been afraid of an interrogation. He supposes it doesn't really matter. He'll get the truth from Haymitch later, after the ceremony.

Or so he thinks.

oOo

"What do you mean you can't tell me anything?" Cinna asks in dismay.

"I promised her I'd keep my mouth shut," Haymitch takes a long swig from his liquor bottle and then belches, sending awful fumes in Cinna's direction. "I'm her mentor. I keep my promises, I keep her secrets."

"But—"

"Look, if you're really that worried, let me tell you this: You didn't do anything wrong," Haymitch says, putting the bottle down. "She's not mad at you, she's not afraid you'll attack her in her sleep. She just has some issues she needs to deal with, and yes, they have to do with you, but it's no one's fault, and she doesn't blame you for anything. Just let her be; she'll figure this out on her own."

"You said it yourself, you're her mentor," Cinna counters. "Isn't it your job to help her figure things out?"

"Not in this case." The drunkard grimaces. "I tell you, that was the single most awkward conversation I have ever had. I'm fairly certain Katniss would rather I never mentioned it again. Otherwise she might die of embarrassment."

"So…it's nothing serious, then?" Maybe she's suddenly developed a fear of gold eyeliner? Maybe she's allergic to something he wears?

"Oh, it's very serious for a victor," Haymitch says. "But she'll get over it. Eventually," he mutters the last word under his breath, but Cinna hears it.

His stomach churns uncomfortably. How long will he have to wait before Katniss talks to him again?

oOo

The two morphlings stare, fascinated, at Katniss's dress. In stillness it is white, but the slightest movement makes rainbows shimmer along the fabric.

Katniss's shoulders are bare, but the dress still has sleeves. The female morphling reaches out a hesitant finger and pokes one of them. Swirling colors appear, spreading out from the District 6 victor's finger. She withdraws her finger and claps a hand over her mouth, her sunken eyes going wide with awe.

The male morphling inches closer and tugs on the sleeve; the result is almost exactly the same.

Cinna gets an idea. "Katniss," he says. "Twirl for me."

She meets his eyes, smiles. And then she twirls, and the morphlings let out shrieks of elation, because the movement sends rainbows whizzing across her dress like shooting stars falling through the night sky.

**Day 8**

By the time they reach District 5, Cinna is fed up with Katniss.

It's hard being back in the place that he considers to be his _real_ home, the place that he left behind five years ago to become just another performer in the Capitol's cruel circus act.

It's painful, to see the familiar houses and shops, to walk the streets he still knows so well. When they pass the orphanage, he sees faces peeking around rotted doorways and through grimy windows, and he recognizes some of them.

It takes all his concentration to keep up his stoic facade. He needs someone to help him through this.

He needs Katniss.

And it's frustrating, because he's always been there for her when she needs him, whether it was back before she went into the arena or afterwards when he spent hours upon hours on the phone with her or a few days ago when she had to make that speech to Rue's district.

Now, for the first time, he needs her. And where is she?

Wherever he's not.

oOo

During the ceremony this time, Katniss deviates from the script at the end and talks about how much she admired Verena's cleverness.

Cinna vaguely remembers the red-haired girl from the orphanage. He knew her older brother—not well, but better than he knew Verena herself. Her brother was reaped seven years before she was. He died in the bloodbath. Killed by the boy from District 2.

Verena made it all the way to the final five, but in the end history repeated itself. Cato, the monstrous boy from District 2, caught her as she was leaving the feast with her backpack. Her death was painful, but swift.

Because it was Katniss's death Cato really hungered for.

oOo

They have two hours before they have to get Katniss ready for the dinner, so Cinna sits on the steps of the Justice Building and sketches. Pours out his anger and hurt and guilt onto the paper.

His drawing hand is aching by the time Katniss takes a seat beside him.

"What's wrong?" she asks. He wonders how she knows that he's upset because he's still wearing his mask and  
he's never told her that he channels his emotions into his work.

He shrugs and says quietly, "I don't know. You tell me."

Katniss sighs. "Haymitch says you think I'm mad at you or scared of you or something ridiculous like that. I'm not. I told you before, I trust you."

He doesn't believe her, but just says, "You also said you were confused. Are you still?"

She stares down at her feet. "No. But that just makes it worse."

"Makes _what_ worse?" he asks, and for once he can't keep the frustration out of his voice. "You can talk to me, Katniss. You can tell me anything."

"Not this." She doesn't give him time to protest. "And what about you? You never tell _me_ anything. I barely know you, really."

"That's not true."

Katniss purses her lips. "I know that you hide most of your emotions and use designing as an outlet. I know that you feel responsible for those burns I got in the arena. I know that your eyebrows pull together when you're really concentrating on something, and that you dig your nails into your palm when you're agitated." She grabs his hand, the one that's not holding a pencil, and presses her thumb to the fresh marks he didn't even realize he engraved in his skin. "But I don't know why your accent isn't as strong as the average Capitol citizen's, and I don't know anything about your family or your friends or your life before we met."

There's a long pause where he realizes she's right and makes a decision, the most important one he's made since he decided he wanted to join Plutarch's rebellion after Katniss's Games ended.

He puts an arm around Katniss, and she leans her head on his shoulder, and he tells her the story of how he left the Capitol at nine years old and spent the next nine years of his life in District 5's orphanage.

oOo

The dinner passes in a blur. Cinna says hello to some old friends while Katniss tries to avoid one of District 5's male victors, who is drunk almost as often as Haymitch and who has a tendency to throw up on people. She doesn't try to avoid Cinna, though, and he's beyond grateful for that.

The drunk does end up throwing up on Katniss, right as they're leaving. She changes clothes when they're back on the train, and Cinna takes the soiled dress to the Capitol people to clean while Katniss takes a shower.

Then they all go to their rooms, but Cinna finds he is too restless to sleep. He thinks of the dark circles Katniss has had under her eyes for the past few days, and decides he should go see if she wants him to stay with her so she can actually get some sleep tonight.

As he approaches her door, he hears her tossing and turning. The noises she's making confirm that she must be having a nightmare. He pushes her door open, and there's just enough light for him to see the way her back is arching, the way her hands grip the sheets tightly, the way her face is flushed and her nightgown is soaked in sweat—

And then she moans. A name.

Not the way she moans in terror or pain when she dreams of the arena. Not the name of one of her fellow tributes.

He can suddenly hear his pulse pounding in his ears. He stumbles backward; the door slams shut. He hears Katniss stirring behind it, and he turns on his heel and strides off in the opposite direction. When he reaches the dining room, he sinks into a chair and puts his head in his hands.

He's gone almost completely numb, to the point where he doesn't hear Katniss's soft footsteps coming closer. He only notices she's there when she flicks the light switch on. He looks up. Shields his eyes from the blinding glare and vaguely sees her doing the same.

His eyes adjust, and he watches as she grabs a plastic cup and fills it to the brim using the water cooler. He sees the sheen of sweat on her forehead, sees the way she gulps down the water like she's dying of thirst.

He thinks he could probably use a cold drink, too. The room is too hot. It shouldn't be this hot.

"Katniss," he says in a hoarse voice.

She jumps and whirls around. "Oh!" she practically squeaks. He watches as she struggles to twist her features into a mask of indifference. "Cinna, I didn't know you were there."

His throat seems to have closed up. He says nothing.

"I was just—" She looks away. "I had a nightmare and I wanted some water…" She holds up her plastic cup as proof.

"Katniss." He can speak again. "Katniss, I went into your room to check on you and I saw—" He can't finish the sentence. He tries again. "I heard—" He can't finish that one, either.

But she gets what he's trying to say. Her face goes nearly chalk-white, and she drops her cup. She turns and flees, and he doesn't try to stop her because his head is still reeling from the way she moaned his name.

**Day 9**

Even Effie senses the awkwardness that hangs in the air while they all eat their breakfast in silence. Really, now that he thinks about it, this whole thing is Effie's fault. She's the one who made Katniss see him as a man and not just an adult.

Eventually it's time to get Katniss ready. When he comes into her room to give her her dress, he doesn't look at her. She gets through the ceremony just fine, then disappears until the mayor comes to take them on a tour of District 4.

The place is beautiful; the waters calm, the sky clear, and everything is so blue it seems like magic. But Cinna does not enjoy any of it.

He keeps seeing Katniss's face right before she ran off. There was utter mortification in her expression, but also something else.

Shame. She's ashamed of herself for dreaming of him.

When the tour is done, Katniss vanishes again and Cinna pulls Haymitch aside to talk to him, and this time the drunk tells him the truth. That Katniss didn't want Cinna to know about her attraction to him because she was afraid he'd be mad at her, afraid he'd be disgusted with her.

That bothers him, because he's not either of those things. He'll admit that he's more than a little freaked out, but that's because she's just sixteen, only a child, really. Still, he certainly doesn't blame her for something she can't help—especially since he gets the impression that she has been trying very, very hard to get rid of the feelings—and he can't believe she thinks that he would.

Then he has to help prep Katniss for the dinner, and this time he does look at her. She's completely rigid, the way she has been every time she's had to stand naked in front of him since Effie found the two of them in bed together on the morning they got to District 10. Only now he understands why, and he notices the little things: her blush and her pupils dilating and the way she bites her lip and the fact that her heart is beating at about a million miles an hour. When his hand accidentally brushes against the bare skin of her back as he's zipping up her dress, a shiver runs down her spine.

He mutters an apology and she just squeezes her eyes shut, like she's desperately wishing to be anywhere but here.

oOo

At the dinner, Effie and the prep team are preoccupied with talking to some people from the Capitol that they know. Some Capitol citizens visit the districts during the Victory Tour, and for some _strange_ reason, District 4 tends to be the most popular.

Haymitch and Cinna, however, are with Katniss when she meets the oldest living victor. Mags gives her a toothless smile and mumbles something that no one understands.

A voice from behind them says, "She said she likes your seashell earrings."

They all turn, and there's Finnick Odair, shirtless, with his windswept hair and stunning sea green eyes. Katniss blinks, but then arranges her features so that her expression is decidedly unimpressed.

"Hello, Katniss," Finnick says in his usual easy manner.

"Hello, Finnick," Katniss replies stiffly.

Cinna bites back a laugh. He's sure Finnick will like her. Finnick tends to like people who don't want to sleep with him, though Cinna only figured that out after his initial infatuation with the man's looks faded and Finnick consequently became more relaxed in his presence. It confuses him somewhat, because Finnick seems to make it his goal to seduce everyone he meets and he sleeps with so many Capitol citizens, but Cinna figures that's just the way Finnick is.

Finnick holds out a handful of grainy, white cubes. "Want a sugar cube?" he asks in his _I'm-trying-to-seduce-you-and-you-know-it's-working-don't-deny-it_ voice.

Katniss looks disgusted as she says, "No, thanks."

Mags cackles and scoops up half of the sugar cubes; Haymitch only takes one.

Finnick arches an eyebrow at him and says, "Who said you could have any?"

In response, Haymitch takes another and pops both the cubes into his mouth, making sure to crunch on them as loudly as possible.

Finnick smirks and says, "I see you haven't changed at all." Then he turns to Cinna and claps him on the shoulder. "Hey, man, haven't seen you in a while. Heard you're famous now for all those blazing outfits you've made for the Girl on Fire here." He winks at Katniss. "But I've been sure to tell anyone who comes up to me asking if I know you that you worked for me first."

Cinna rolls his eyes. "I didn't work for you, Odair." To a perplexed looking Katniss, he adds, "I assisted the District Four stylists with designing the outfits for the tributes during the 71st, 72nd and 73rd Hunger Games. It was a requirement for the design school I went to. They wanted us to have some experience."

Finnick smiles. "The stylists saw how brilliant he was and basically let him do all the work. My tributes looked spectacular for three years in a row. The stylist for the female tribute retired just before your Games, and Cinna was offered the position, but…"

"But you chose District Twelve," Katniss says to Cinna. "Why?"

_Because your sister was reaped and you took her place. Because I wanted to light you up and make everyone see the fire that was there burning in you all along._

But he only says, "I had a choice between fire and water, and I guess I'm just a bit of a pyromaniac."

Finnick laughs along with the others, but the look he gives the stylist makes Cinna sure that he knows the truth.

oOo

An hour later, Finnick grows tired of all the Capitol people shadowing him when he gets up for more food or a drink or to relieve himself. He suggests to Katniss that they sneak out so he can show her the pier down by the Victor's Village.

Katniss is all for ditching the dinner, but Cinna is appalled. "Finnick," he hisses in the victor's ear, "she's only sixteen, you can't just—"

Through his laughter, Finnick says, "Relax, I'm not luring her off so I can have my way with her. She's not my type. Besides, I think she'd rip my throat out."

"Probably," Katniss agrees.

Seeing that Cinna still looks doubtful, Finnick adds, "Mags is coming with us, and I was planning on inviting you, too."

"Oh." Cinna relaxes. "Well, all right."

"Excellent,” Finnick says. "Haymitch, you want to join us?"

Haymitch says, "Nah, I'll stay here and make sure Effie doesn't go looking for you all." He raises his bottle to his lips and chugs down the remaining liquid, then immediately grabs another one.

"Yeah, if you're not too drunk to think straight," Katniss mutters under her breath.

oOo

As it turns out, Finnick has an ulterior motive for bringing them to the secluded pier. When they get there, he has them all sit at the end of the dock and wait while he runs up to one of the houses in the village. He rejoins them ten minutes later with a young woman that Cinna recognizes as Annie Cresta, winner of the 70th Hunger Games.

She's mad, everyone says, but Cinna finds her absolutely lovely, with her long brown hair flowing like a waterfall down her back and her sea green eyes that are bright enough to rival Finnick's.

He smiles at her, but Annie is staring at Katniss. "You're her," she says. "You're the one who sang that beautiful song to the little girl and covered her in flowers."

Katniss swallows hard, and then says, "Yes, that was me. What's your name?"

Annie doesn't answer. She just stares at Katniss. Finnick says, "Her name's Annie. Annie Cresta."

And Cinna hears it in his voice, and can tell by the way Katniss's eyes widen that she hears it, too.

Finnick loves this girl that everyone else calls mad.

Finnick Odair loves Annie Cresta.

oOo

Annie doesn't have much to say. She sits down between Mags and Katniss and dips her bare feet in the water. Mags strokes her arm. Finnick says he's going to look for sea glass on the beach, and Cinna decides to join him because his presence seems to make Katniss uneasy.

"So," Cinna says when they're a good distance away from the girls. "Annie Cresta. You've never mentioned her to me before."

"I don't usually introduce her to people," Finnick says slowly. "Especially people from the Capitol. But I figured it was only fair for you to meet my girl, now that I've met yours."

It takes Cinna a few seconds to grasp what he's implying. "Katniss isn't my girl. She's _a_ girl, period. She's a child."

"She's not," Finnick says. "She's not, and you know it. You said it yourself earlier, she's sixteen. That's the age of majority. Besides, no one's a child after coming out of the Games. And even before that… Haymitch told me she's been feeding her family since her father died years ago. She had too much responsibility on her shoulders, and she grew up too fast. She's an adult, not a child."

Cinna can't think of a way to counter that except to say, "That doesn't make her a woman."

"You mean physically?" Finnick asks. Cinna nods, and the victor says, "Well, you're the one who's seen her naked, not me. Can you honestly say that she looks like a child to you?"

"Yes," Cinna says instantly. Then realizes he's answered too quickly.

"Hmmm…" Finnick looks doubtful. He takes a deep breath and says in a serious tone, "I've known Annie most of my life. But I took her for granted until the day she was reaped. She loved me for years before that, but I was so caught up in everything else and I didn't notice. And then her name was called at the Reaping, and it was like the entire world ended for me. I didn't understand how much I needed her until there was a good chance I was going to lose her. I got lucky, and she came back    alive. But she could've died, and I would’ve had to live with the knowledge that I wasted all those years I could’ve had with her. Don't make that mistake."

"Even if I did feel that way about Katniss, she's a victor," Cinna points out. "She's safe from the Reaping. She's safe for the rest of her life."

A strange bitterness creeps into Finnick's famous sea green eyes. "You'd be surprised," he says in a strangled voice, "by how much more danger she's in now that she's been crowned. There are worse things than death. Worse ways to lose the people you love."

Cinna cannot think of anything to say to that, so he suggests that they go back to the dock. As they approach the girls, he hears a voice singing, a voice that makes the seagulls overhead stop their squawking and listen.

He realizes that Katniss is singing the lullaby she sang to Rue. She's singing to Annie, who is resting her head on the younger girl's shoulder.

He stares at her, at the setting sun casting its pink-gold glow like a halo around her head, as she finishes the song:

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

_Here is the place where I love you._

oOo

Annie hugs Katniss tightly when it's time for her to walk back to the village with Mags, and for the rest of them to sneak back into the Justice Building where the dinner is most likely just winding to a close.

"You'll come visit again, won't you?" she asks the District 12 girl.

"Of course," Katniss replies without hesitation. "It was so nice to meet you, Annie."

Annie smiles wide, and Katniss smiles back.

oOo

"I guess we'll see you again at the Quarter Quell," Cinna says to Finnick.

"You sure will," the victor agrees. "Take care of yourself. And remember what I told you."

"I will." He tries to board the train but finds two staff members blocking his way.

"We're very sorry, sir, but you'll have to wait or enter through another car," one of them explains. "We're not finished setting up here."

"It's not a problem," he assures them. "Thank you for letting me know."

"-can't imagine how surprised I was to find that the Girl on Fire isn't really an ice queen," he hears Finnick say as he makes his way back to the two victors.

He's almost reached them when Katniss replies, "Well, it was a pretty big shock for me, realizing that Panem's number one lady killer is madly in love with a mad girl."

"And what about you?" Finnick asks, and suddenly it _is_ a problem, because this is not a conversation he should be present for. "You have anyone you love like that?"

"Me?" she echoes. "My best friend Gale told me he was in love with me, but…" She doesn't elaborate.

"That's not what I asked," Finnick tells her. "I asked if _you_ love anyone, not if anyone loves you."

Ideally, this is the part where Cinna's hearing would suddenly fail him, but instead he finds himself trying not to strain his ears.

She's silent for a second, and then: "Well— I—"

This isn't fair to her at all. This is the last place he has any right to be.  _I need to say something._

In the end he doesn't have to. One of the staff members taps him on the shoulder and tells him they finished setting up, and he walks away without a second thought.

**Day 10**

It's 9 o'clock in the morning and he's only got about half an hour before it's time to prep Katniss, but he can't muster up the energy to drag himself out of bed.

"… _I figured it was only fair for you to meet my girl, now that I've met yours."_

Katniss isn't his girl. He knows that. Katniss knows that. And Finnick is so perceptive when it comes to those things, surely he must've known that as well.

But Finnick seemed to be under the impression that Cinna _wants_ Katniss to be his girl. That he's harboring an intense longing for her or something, but he's convinced himself that he doesn't feel that way about her and so won't act on it.

_Ridiculous,_ Cinna thinks. _That's completely ridiculous._

oOo

" _Well, you're the one who's seen her naked, not me. Can you honestly say that she looks like a child to you?"_

He stands in the doorway, Katniss's dress gathered in his arms, and stares at her unclothed body as the prep team rushes around her like a whirlwind, applying makeup and securing her updo with pins.

When he first met her, she was a child, no question, perpetual hunger having nearly turned her to skin and bones. He remembers thinking that she was so much thinner than the District 4 tributes had been.

But now? Now, with more than enough to eat and her legs a little longer and her breasts a little fuller, he has to admit that she _does_ look like a woman. A real one, too, as opposed to all the Capitol women with all their alterations. Enhancements, they think, but Cinna prefers Katniss with her natural, genuine form.

Still, that doesn't mean he's attracted to her.

"Cinna, we're done!" Octavia chirps. "Aren't you going to give Katniss her dress now?"

He realizes that they're all staring at him. That they've probably been staring at him for some time. Staring at him while he stared at Katniss.

His eyes lock on Katniss's, and she looks confused and more than a little self-conscious.

He swallows hard, and her gaze darts to his Adam's apple for a brief second before dropping to the floor.

"Yes," he says, mentally scolding himself for acting so strange, as he takes a step towards her. "Here's your dress, Katniss."

oOo

The ceremony flies by without a hitch, and soon Katniss is wriggling out of her electric dress. He takes it back to the garment car and then busies himself with needlessly rearranging the gowns Katniss has already worn so that he doesn't have to drive himself crazy wondering if she'll take his earlier behavior as a sign that he's attracted to her. The last thing he wants is to lead her on.

Great. So much for not thinking about it.

He decides he'll have to say something about it to Katniss after the dinner. Because he's not attracted to her. He's not.

And it would be cruel to let her think otherwise.

oOo

As the dinner approaches, Cinna grows steadily more nervous, despite his outward calm. He knows Katniss. He knows she won't burst into tears at his rejection or get mad at him for not wanting her that way. But he doesn't want to hurt her. He doesn't want her to think there's something wrong with her.

She's beautiful, really. And courageous. And strong. And quite intelligent. And kind towards a select few, like the people she cares about and children and the helpless. And sometimes, without even trying, she makes him laugh so hard that he thinks his face might eventually be glued into a permanent smile.

But that doesn't mean they belong together, and someday she'll find someone who's right for her. Someone closer to her age.

He just has to explain all of this to her, and it will be fine.

For now, he's waiting for her to get out of the shower so he and the prep team can get started. He sits on her bed while Octavia, Venia and Flavius hover near the door, chattering about Katniss's outfit for the evening and trying to decide if the makeup palette needs to be adjusted due to the overcast sky. Even though the dinner will take place inside the Justice Building, the weather will still affect whether or not the skylights will be uncovered, which will affect the lighting.

They ask him for his opinion, but he's thinking of Katniss standing naked in the shower with the water beating down on her, of her hands rhythmically massaging shampoo into her hair. He wonders if the thought of him makes her—

His brain abruptly shuts down. He can't think of that. He just can't. It's not right, it's all wrong, because she's sixteen and he's twenty-three and she's a child to him no matter what Finnick said and that's all she'll ever be.

A child. That's it.

And he thinks that maybe, if he keeps repeating it to himself, he'll eventually believe it.

oOo

Katniss meets Beetee and Wiress, and at first the District 3 victors talk about their latest inventions. It's obvious that Katniss is struggling to follow along. Then they ask her about her talent, and she gives Cinna a look that screams, _Save me!_

So he does. He chimes in and says, "Katniss here is very interested in designing. I've been helping her with the basics, and she's created quite a few outfits on her own, but…"

"But I've still got a long way to go if I want to measure up to my fashion hero, right?" Katniss asks dryly, a smile pulling at her lips.

"Exactly," he says, ramping up his Capitol accent. "You might get there someday, novice, if you pay more attention during lessons."

Katniss cracks up. Probably at the amount of sheer snobbery he injected into his tone.

After that, the conversation turns to the District 3 tributes from Katniss's Games. Katniss apologizes for indirectly killing one of them.

"No," Wiress says quietly. "It's not your fault. You were just…" She trails off. She looks upset, and Cinna guesses she's thinking of Surge, the boy who came up with a brilliant plan that blew up in his face.

"Just trying to survive," Beetee finishes. "Like everyone else."

Katniss whispers, "Would you be angry if I told you I think he was lucky?"

Cinna swears his heart stops. What does she mean by that? Surely she doesn't mean the boy's lucky he died.

Surely she doesn't wish she was dead.

He feels cold all over, but Beetee and Wiress laugh.

"No," Wiress says again. "We understand."

"He was lucky," Beetee agrees. "And we victors weren't."

oOo

It is a long, long time before Cinna falls asleep that night. And just as he's drifting off, he realizes that he never did have that conversation with Katniss.

**Day 11**

The District 2 ceremony is awful. Katniss stands up on the stage in her salmon pink dress and tries not to look at the tributes' families. She adds an apology for Cato's horrific end, though really it was the Capitol's fault, not Katniss's.

All of it is the Capitol's fault. Cinna learned that in the District 5 orphanage when he was ten; his only real friend at the time was reaped and bludgeoned to death with a mace, the only type of weapon available in that arena.

When Katniss steps into the Justice Building with her flowers and her plaque, she's pale and shaking, and Cinna knows she must be having a flashback of Cato being torn to pieces by the tribute mutts.

_But you put an end to his suffering. I saw your eyes when you fired that arrow; it was a mercy killing. Not revenge, but pity._

He moves towards her to tell her that, to embrace her and hold her close until the trembling stops, but she backs away.

He thinks he's going to be sick. Is this the way things will always be between them from now on?

He wishes he had not gone to her room that night. If he hadn't seen, if he hadn't heard… He remembers sitting on the steps of District 5's Justice Building just hours before that with Katniss beside him, leaning against him. Then, she seemed to be willing to make the effort to preserve their friendship.

Now…

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to put this into perspective. She is reliving the death of someone who wanted her dead, someone who was ripped apart by mutts that were eerily similar to twenty-two dead kids, some of whom Katniss had seen die, three of whom she had killed. Just because she doesn't want a hug from Cinna at the moment doesn't mean she's never going to speak to him again. He has made this all about him, when really it has nothing to do with him at all, nothing to do with her attraction to him and his unspoken rejection of her.

He tears his eyes away from her nearly hysterical face and looks at Haymitch, who mouths, _Space._

Space. Katniss needs space. Right. He can do that, he can give her space.

It seems like that's all he's been doing for the past week.

oOo

By the time the dinner rolls around, Katniss has calmed down, though she's still incredibly tense and there's a sort of haunted look in her eyes.

She sits between him and Haymitch but she doesn't say a word to either of them. She just stares down at her plate and pushes her food around.

Eventually, Cinna can't take it anymore. He leaves the table under the pretense of using the restroom, but really he's going outside for some air.

He pushes the main door of the building open and is about to step outside when he hears voices. He recognizes them.

Brutus and Enobaria, both of whom are District 2 victors, though by no means the only ones. District 2 has the largest number of victors, partly because so many of them are Careers and partly because they are the Capitol's favorites.

Cinna's about to close the door. If he goes outside now, he'll have to talk to them, and he's not fond of either of them. Enobaria in particular because she has such a bloodthirsty nature. And he's willing to admit that those gold-tipped fangs of hers make him very nervous.

"—Katniss Everdeen."

He freezes. They're talking about Katniss? He peers around the door and catches sight of them standing at the bottom of the steps, lit up by the glow of a streetlamp.

"She's a real piece of work," Enobaria says nastily. "Worse than Johanna Mason."

"That's debatable," Brutus says, smirking. "Johanna was pretty bad during the first part of her Games. Constantly sniveling. Acting like a complete coward. I wanted to wring her neck, she was so annoying."

"At least she dropped the act. Unlike Katniss Everdeen, standing up there on that stage, pretending she's actually sorry Cato died," Enobaria sneers. "Katniss Everdeen, trying to pretend she's better than the rest of us, when really her sense of morality is just as twisted as ours."

"Well, she'll learn," Brutus promises with a grim smile. "Once she mentors, she'll learn."

"I don't know, she looks pretty thick-headed," Enobaria says. "It might take more than that for her to realize the truth. Personally, I hope she turns out to be another Finnick Odair."

Brutus suddenly loses his smile. "That's going too far," he warns. "No one deserves that."

Enobaria rolls her eyes. "You're going soft, Brutus," she says, and he doesn't reply.

They start talking about something else, so Cinna steps back and shuts the door slowly and silently.

When he rejoins the others, he finds that Katniss has relaxed a little and actually eaten something. He sits down beside her and she tells him that he's got a strange look on his face.

"Do I?" His voice sounds hollow. "It's nothing, I'm just thinking."

She doesn't ask about what. She just lets him be, and he's glad.

oOo

He can't sleep that night. He gets out of bed with the intention of wandering the length of the train, but he finds himself stopping at Katniss's door. He listens, and he can hear her tossing and turning and moans, but it's the way she moans when she's having a nightmare. He hears her whimpering in terror and he wants to go in and comfort her, but he seems to be paralyzed.

He's indecisive for too long; the whimpering stops. There's silence, and Cinna knows he needs to go. As he's walking away, the moaning starts up again. Not a nightmare. His name.

He draws in a shaky breath, keeps walking, and tells himself his heart was already beating this fast.

 

**Day 12**

At first when he wakes up, the only thing he remembers is that he is ashamed of himself. Then he remembers why, and he resolves to not think about it.

Instead he ponders the very thing that bothered him so much he couldn't fall sleep last night. Enobaria's words and Brutus's reaction.

" _Personally, I hope she turns out to be another Finnick Odair."_

Another Finnick Odair. What is that supposed to mean?

Out of all of Panem's victors, including the ones who are already dead, Finnick Odair is the most popular. Finnick Odair is loved by the majority of women in the Capitol (and a great deal of men, too), but loves only his mad girl back home.

But that confuses Cinna, too. Why sleep with all those women if he's in love with Annie Cresta? What is the point, if he cares nothing for those who alter their bodies beyond recognition?

In the end, the only thing Cinna is really sure of is that he's probably not going to get an answer to any of his questions any time soon.

oOo

He's wrong about that. He gets an answer to his first question during the dinner in District 1.

Cashmere and Gloss mentored Glimmer and Marvel, but while Cashmere glares jealous daggers at Katniss's golden dress, both the sister and the brother demonstrate remarkable tolerance towards the newest victor. Cinna suspects this is because of what happened at the ceremony.

Katniss, with all those wrathful eyes upon her, bluntly admitted that until today, she never knew Marvel's name. She said, _"And I'm sorry for that, because it matters. It took me a very long time to realize, but it matters a lot."_

Cashmere and Gloss, despite everything, seem to appreciate the honesty. They clearly don't like Katniss, but they show no signs of the cruel loathing Cinna heard in Enobaria's voice yesterday.

It is to the brother and sister that Cinna repeats Enobaria's words, hoping they can explain them. Their reaction is more extreme than Brutus's. Their eyes darken; Cashmere hisses and Gloss's face turns red with rage.

"I don't know what's wrong with that woman," Gloss says in disgust. "I really don't. I don't care who you are, you don't wish that upon a human being."

"I don't understand," Cinna says. "What did she mean by that?"

They exchange a loaded glance and seem to come to a conclusion.

Cashmere says, "She means that she hopes Katniss will do what Finnick does. She hopes Katniss will immerse herself in the Capitol world, hopes she'll…keep the men company."

He feels the blood drain from his face. "She wouldn't do that. She'd never do anything like that."

They stare at him like he's missing something obvious, but he doesn't get what, so they just shake their heads in pity and walk away, and he makes his way over to where Katniss is dancing with a young Capitol official.

Cinna's blood boils, but he waits until the song is over to cut in with forced politeness.

"Are you all right?" Katniss asks him.

No. No, he's not, because everything's hitting him all at once and he can't believe he didn't recognize his attraction to Katniss sooner. He can't believe he thought telling himself she was a child when she really wasn't would make it go away.

Oh, he's not going to tell her any of this. He still doesn't think it's right for him to want her this way, to care for her this way, but he's no longer trying to deny that he's felt it all along. And he's not going to just stand by and watch some pervert eye her like she's a piece of meat.

"Fine," he lies. And prays she won't end up like Finnick Odair, because he thinks that might just break his heart.

**Day 13**

Finally they arrive in the Capitol. The day is a blur of crowds cheering Katniss's name, and being back in the Training Center, and Katniss's awkward interview with Caesar Flickerman.

At one point, he asks if she's got a boyfriend back home, and Katniss replies that she doesn't because her mother's so protective of her. Caesar Flickerman laughs and says, "I bet she has to beat those boys away from you with a stick. But your mother's not around right now, so if you see something you like…" He lifts his eyebrows suggestively as he gestures to the Capitol audience.

Cinna clenches his fists. Katniss smiles tightly and says, "I'll keep that in mind."

oOo

Sooner than Cinna expected, they are standing in the banquet room of Snow's mansion. The President himself has not shown his face all evening, but that's typical. Cinna can't recall ever seeing him at the Capitol's Victory Tour party on TV.

People keep coming up to Katniss to tell her their names and get a photo with her and other such things, but Katniss, unsurprisingly, doesn't pay much attention to anything except the food. She goes from table to table and tries a mouthful of everything while Cinna shadows her. He sees her mockingjay pin everywhere he turns, but when he points it out to her she just rolls her eyes and says, "Everyone always wants to wear the victor's token." Then she goes back to the food.

Eventually she's too full to eat anymore. Flavius, Octavia and Venia appear and offer her one of those drinks that make people throw up, and Cinna has to drag Katniss onto the dance floor before she kills her prep team. After a couple of songs she calms down and says, "I suppose I should have expected something like this. They bring us here to fight to the death for their entertainment, after all."

_Us,_ Cinna repeats to himself. _She considers me to be someone from the Districts._ And it's true enough. He may have been born in the Capitol, but District 5 will always be home.

Then Katniss mentions that he's been acting oddly around her, and he laughs and says, "I thought it was time for a role reversal."

She smiles weakly and drops the subject.

He notices that several of the victors are here—though only the popular ones. Most of them are Careers, but he catches sight of Johanna Mason as well. He stays with Katniss and avoids Johanna and all the rest of them, even Finnick. Because he doesn't want to admit to Finnick that the District 4 man was right, that Cinna wishes Katniss was his girl.

And he has some sort of crazy notion that if he can keep Katniss away from Finnick, she won't end up like him. She won't sleep with these Capitol men that follow her every move with greedy eyes.

He hates them. Every last one of them. He stews in silent, jealous rage every time one of them comes up to Katniss asking for a dance and steals her away from him. He even feels a twinge of annoyance when she is introduced to Plutarch Heavensbee, though of course Cinna knows that the man is only interested in her joining his rebellion.

Cinna watches her as she dances with all those other men, and his only consolation is that it is him she dreams of at night, not these strangers.

He remembers that night after the stop in District 5. Sheets soaked in sweat and Katniss's flushed face and the way she arched her back.

He has every inch of her naked body memorized, as well as her natural earthy scent lingering beneath the falseness of Capitol perfume, and the way she moans and gasps and softly screams his name.

He knows her by sight, knows her by smell, knows her by sound.

He puts them all together in his mind until he can almost imagine it. But he's missing the two senses that he aches for the most.

He wants taste. He wants touch.

She's only sixteen, but he no longer cares. All he's doing is wanting. Not taking. There's nothing wrong with that.

And if he was taking...would it be so wrong, when she's wanting too?

Seven years. That's not so many, really. Not compared to most of the men in this room. Age does not stop them; why should it stop Cinna?

oOo

Katniss has just escaped her latest dance partner when the Avox boy approaches her. Cinna sees the boy pass her a note, sees the blood drain from her face as she reads whatever's written there. She says something to the boy and gestures at Cinna; the boy nods and Katniss starts walking towards him. Cinna meets her halfway and asks, "What was that about? Is something wrong?"

"No," she says firmly. He gives her a look and she caves. "Yes. President Snow wants me to meet him in his greenhouse immediately."

He sees his horrified face reflected in her gray eyes. "Why?"

"I don't know," she says. "But I guess I'm about to find out."

oOo

Twenty minutes later, Cinna is still anxiously awaiting Katniss's return. He's sitting in a plush chair by a fireplace, digging his nails into his palm, when Haymitch and Finnick find him. They're both clearly drunk, but not as much as he expected them to be.

"So, where's the star of the evening?" Finnick asks, taking a seat on the arm of Cinna's chair and nearly toppling into his lap.

"In President Snow's greenhouse," Cinna answers, in a voice that clearly says he's not in the mood for any bullshit.

The words instantly break through whatever drunken haze the two men are in.

Haymitch drops the bottle he's holding. It shatters on impact and sprays alcohol all over Cinna's shoes, but he really couldn't care less right now. Finnick sits up ramrod straight and says, " _What?_ "

A beat later, Haymitch asks, "Did Katniss say what Snow wanted?"

"No," Cinna replies. "She said she didn't know."

"Shit," Haymitch swears.

Finnick stares at him, his expression one of dread. "You don't think—"

"What else would he want with her?" the older man answers grimly.

Finnick drops his head into his hands. "Damn it."

Cinna looks from one drunken victor to the other. "What? What are you talking about?"

Haymitch ignores the question and instead asks one of his own. "How long has she been in there?"

"About twenty-five minutes. You know what he wants with her?"

He's ignored again. "I knew this would happen," Finnick moans. "Haymitch, why didn't you _warn_ her?"

"Did a warning help _you_?" Haymitch snaps back. "Were you really any more prepared, walking in there and knowing what Snow wanted from you?"

"No," Finnick says miserably. "But what if she storms out like Johanna?"

"She won't," Haymitch says, but he sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than Finnick. "She's not _that s_ tupid."

"What are you two talking about?" Cinna demands again, but he still doesn't get an answer.

Haymitch sighs heavily and says, "Well, it's ten to midnight and we have to be on the train by one, so she should be back soon."

And she is, but Cinna knows right away that something is terribly wrong. Effie drags her around to say goodbye to people, but Katniss is deathly silent. People kiss her cheek and exclaim that it was lovely to meet her, and still she says nothing.

After they've gone through everyone on Effie's list and it's time for them to leave, Finnick says, "I'm sorry, Katniss."

Katniss looks at him for a moment, and it's like she's waking up from a bad dream. She nods slowly, then turns and walks away.

oOo

They're on board the train and Effie's ordered them all to go to bed when Katniss finally speaks. "Actually, I'd like to speak to Haymitch and Cinna privately," she says evenly, but there's something incredibly ominous in her tone.

Effie mutters, "Oh, so _now_ you can talk," but obediently files out of the room along with the prep team.

There is silence for several long minutes. Then, in an eerily quiet voice, Katniss says to Haymitch, "You didn't warn me."

Haymitch's face turns an unhealthy shade of gray-green. "I didn't think it was necessary."

Katniss rises slowly, walks to his side of the table, and slaps her mentor right across the face. Trembling, she says, "I almost walked right out of there! I almost got them both killed! And all because you didn't _warn_ me!"

Stunned, Cinna says, "Katniss, what—"

"And _you_!" Katniss whirls on him. "You knew about this too, didn't you?"

Bewildered, he answers, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't lie to me!" she screams.

Cinna stands up and takes a step towards her to put his hand on her shoulder, to comfort her and calm her down. The second he touches her, she shoves him back so hard he slams into the wall.

His head throbs in pain as she shrieks, "I HATE YOU! I HATE BOTH OF YOU!"

And she turns and storms out of the room, pushing past a shell-shocked Effie and the Capitol people who came to investigate the noise.

oOo

Immediately following the incident, Haymitch takes Cinna into an empty compartment and sits across from him at the table.

And then he explains. President Snow sells desirable victors, sells their bodies. Finnick Odair sleeps with Capitol women because he has no choice. This is the obvious piece of the puzzle that Cinna was missing during his talk with Cashmere and Gloss.

Finnick Odair has no choice. None of the victors have a choice.

Katniss does not have a choice.

Because if she doesn't agree to do whatever Snow says, her family will be killed like Johanna Mason's was.

Johanna, Haymitch says, walked out on Snow after he explained his demands, but before he could explain what was at stake for her. She was given a time and a place to meet her very first patron. She went and beat the man black and blue. Her mother, father and two younger brothers all died in separate "accidents" over the course of the next month.

Johanna Mason has no one left that she loves. She is free, but at a terrible price.

A price Finnick is not willing to pay. A price Katniss is not willing to pay.

Katniss has six more months. She has until the Quarter Quell starts, and then her time is up.

**Day 14**

After a subdued breakfast that morning, Cinna heads straight to the garment car. He's in the process of searching for imaginary stains on the District 12 gowns when Katniss quietly clears her throat behind him.

His head snaps up. He didn't realize she was following him.

"I talked to Haymitch," she says. "He said you didn't know about—about any of it. I'm sorry for yelling at you. And I'm sorry I shoved you."

"It's okay," he murmurs. "You were in shock from what Snow had said to you. I don't blame you for not being able to control your temper."

Katniss is silent for a moment. Then she says, "You know I don't really hate you, right?"

"Of course." He hesitates. "I've wanted to apologize for a while now for the way I reacted that night."

There's no need for him to clarify which night he's talking about. Katniss's face turns stony. She's guarded. Wary. Afraid, he realizes.

"Oh, that. Just forget about that. It doesn't matter now. It never did." She's not looking at him. She's staring at her dress for the Harvest Festival like it holds all the secrets in the universe.

"I disagree," he says. "I let you believe I was angry at you or disgusted with you or something. I wasn't. And honestly, it bothers me that you think I would be."

Her incredulous eyes dart to his face. "It bothers _you_?"

"You said you trusted me," he reminds her. "You have to know I'll always care about you no matter what. Always."

_Care about you._ The words are all wrong. They don't fully express how much she means to him, but they're all he can give her. He's already decided that them being together would just make everything more complicated, given what Snow's asked of her. So there's no point in him telling her how he really feels.

"I suppose I did know that," she admits. "Deep down, I mean."

He smiles at her. "So you're not going to go back to avoiding me, then?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "I guess not. There's no real point to it, it just makes things worse."

He wonders why it took them both so long to realize that.

oOo

It is evening when they reach District 12. Katniss seems nervous. Tonight is the dinner at the mayor's house, which Banoc's family will be attending, including that Peeta boy. Cinna thinks of sunset orange and can't believe he didn't realize all the way back in District 11 that he was jealous. It's so obvious now. He's jealous of the baker's son that visits Katniss sometimes, that gets to see her walk into the bakery with her little sister at her side sometimes.

Of course he feels bad for Peeta, who lost his eighteen year old brother. Banoc made it to the final twelve. Then he had a run-in with Glimmer while she was patrolling the Career campsite. She used her good looks to charm him into dropping his guard and then stabbed him right through the heart just moments before their lips touched.

"Am I done?" Katniss asks, interrupting his train of thought.

He looks her over—hair, makeup, nails, floor-length silver dress.

"Yes." _You look beautiful._ "Go ahead and find Madge, if you want."

"Thanks." In the time it takes him to blink, she's halfway out the door.

He is looking forward to meeting Madge. Because she's Katniss's friend and because she gave Katniss her mockingjay pin. And once, an utterly wasted Haymitch told him that the pin was her aunt Maysilee's, who was a tribute in the Hunger Games. He wouldn't say which, which leads Cinna to believe that she was reaped the year Haymitch won. The year of the second Quarter Quell.

Cinna realizes that he hates Quarter Quells. They bring nothing but sorrow and pain.

oOo

"So you're Katniss's stylist," Madge Undersee says. "It's nice to meet you."

She's pretty, with the same blond hair and blue eyes that most of the town dwellers in District 12 have, and with her expensive white dress and the gold ribbon in her hair. And right away Cinna notices her quiet, unassuming nature—not something he would have expected from the mayor's daughter, if Katniss hadn't already told him about her.

"You as well." He smiles at her. "Katniss has told me a lot about you."

Madge's lips quirk up. "She might've mentioned _you_. Once or twice…every five minutes."

Katniss, who has been standing off to the side while they go through introductions, quickly steps forward, her face tinged red.

"Right, so now you've met each other. Madge, don't we have that _thing_ to do downstairs?" she hisses, tugging on her friend's arm.

Madge doesn't budge. "No. I don't recall anything we have to do downstairs." She turns back to Cinna. "I've never heard her say anything bad about you. And you're the only person from the Capitol that she talks about without looking like she wants to stab someone in the eye."

Cinna fights back a grin. That's quite a compliment when it comes to Katniss. "She speaks very highly of you as well."

"Actually, right now I'm inclined to stab _both of you_ in the eye," Katniss grumbles.

Madge smiles and says, "I think some of the dinner guests have arrived. Let's go see if your mother and sister are here yet."

Katniss practically sprints towards the staircase, pulling a laughing Madge along behind her.

oOo

"Katniss!" Prim tackles her sister with a hug. "Katniss, I'm so glad you're back. It's so quiet at home without you."

"That's because Buttercup only does his demonic hissing when I'm around," Katniss retorts. Her face softens, and her smile is suddenly so full of warmth that Cinna feels it from where he's standing at the bottom of the staircase with Madge. "I missed you, Prim."

Prim finally lets her sister go, and Mrs. Everdeen comes up and hugs her oldest daughter. "I hope you've been behaving yourself," she says, "and not driving Effie insane."

"Believe me," Haymitch says, suddenly appearing beside Cinna and Madge, "it doesn't take much to do that."

"Haymitch!" Prim grins, and then the old drunk has been tackle-hugged as well. He looks stunned, but his face softens just as Katniss's did.

"All right, kid, you can let go now," he says, sounding just a little embarrassed. She does, and then her gaze falls on Cinna.

He doesn't expect a hug, but he gets one. He's only met her once, just a couple of weeks ago, right before they left on the Victory Tour. She's not as tall as Katniss, but she's obviously more comfortable with hugging. Her thin arms wrapped around him don't feel awkward the way Katniss's did the first time she hugged him back.

"I saw a lot of the Tour on TV," Prim says after she's pulled away. "I love all those dresses you made for Katniss. She looked so beautiful in all of them."

"Well, it wasn't exactly a challenge to make her look that way, given how beautiful she normally is." The words are out of his mouth before he can think them through. It's not as though he’s never said things like that before, but his voice has never come out so earnest, and he knows better than to hope that none of the others will notice.

Haymitch snorts, Madge puts her hand over her mouth to hide her smile, and Prim beams from ear to ear like he's made her entire day.

Mrs. Everdeen, on the other hand, presses her lips together and studies him with suspicious eyes. He remembers Katniss telling Caesar Flickerman about how protective her mother is, and suddenly he's inexplicably nervous.

Speaking of Katniss… He glances at her, and finds she's staring at him like he's just dropped down from the moon, her face about as red as a tomato.

He's not doing a very good job keeping his attraction a secret.

Before any of them can say anything, there's a knock at the front door.

"Madge, would you get that, please?" The mayor's voice filters into the room from somewhere upstairs.

Madge is already at the door. She pulls it open to reveal a black-haired, gray-eyed young man with a middle-aged woman beside him and three kids behind her.

Cinna recognizes them from the final eight interviews during Katniss's Games. This is Gale, Katniss's best friend, and his family.

" _My best friend Gale told me he was in love with me, but…"_

He looks rather sullen at the moment, like he doesn't want to be here at all.

"Hi, Gale," Katniss says in a subdued voice.

"Katniss," he answers, nodding at her.

Katniss pales. Cinna remembers her telling him once that Gale usually calls her Catnip.

"It's good to have you back," Gale's mother interjects, stepping forward to hug Katniss. Hazelle, Cinna thinks her name is.

"It's good to be back," the newest victor replies. She hugs each of the three children. Rory, Vick and Posy.

The mayor comes down and Hazelle thanks him for inviting her and her family. And then Peeta shows up with his family, and Katniss gives the blue-eyed boy a rather awkward hug while his mother glares daggers at her. Cinna hangs back and decides he'll introduce himself later. Perhaps when Gale, who Katniss says loathes everything to do with the Capitol, is not around.

He takes a look around at his fellow dinner guests. Vick and Posy are talking at Rory, who is staring at Prim, who is chattering at Haymitch, who is rolling his eyes at Effie, who has just appeared and is asking the Mayor for an itinerary of the evening. The mayor, however, is a little busy trying to deal with the prep team.

The mayor's wife has come downstairs and is talking quietly with Mrs. Everdeen and Mrs. Hawthorne. Madge is staring at Gale, who is staring at Katniss, who is oblivious to both his stare and Peeta's and seems to only be aware of Mrs. Mellark glowering at her. The oldest Mellark boy and his fiancée are trying to get her to stop, but Mr. Mellark ignores his wife's rude behavior and simply stares at Mrs. Everdeen.

_Well,_ Cinna thinks, _this is going to be an interesting evening._

oOo

Latecomers trickle in over the course of the dinner, most of them town dwellers, but there are also a few Peacekeepers. Cinna doesn't recognize anyone, but two of the Peacekeepers stand out.

One of them is Darius, a redheaded young man who flirts with and teases Katniss, but who she is surprisingly comfortable with. Their banter makes Cinna smile.

The other one is an older man who Cinna later learns is named Cray; he leers at every young woman there, and when he rakes his eyes over Katniss's form, Peeta scowls at his plate while Cinna fights to keep his face blank and his anger under control. Gale, on the other hand, glares at the Peacekeeper murderously and grips his glass so tightly it shatters.

He swears loudly as the shards of glass slice into his skin and his mother scolds him before asking Mrs. Everdeen to examine the cuts. She does, and then confirms it's nothing serious but she'll need to clean the wounds and stitch them up right away. Prim begs her mother to let her do it. Mrs. Everdeen says no at first, but Gale says he doesn't care who does it as long as _someone_ does, so she relents.

Madge says they can use her bedroom and she'll get them the supplies. Katniss stands up and says she'll help. Rory, his eyes glued to Prim's face, insists on going as well, and his younger siblings exclaim that they want to see Prim stitch up Gale's hand, too. Peeta mutters something inaudible and gets to his feet, and just like that everyone under the age of nineteen is trooping up the stairs to Madge's room.

The rest of them, the adults, exchange exasperated glances. Haymitch rolls his eyes and says to Cinna, "Go babysit them, will you? Before they kill each other or blow something up."

He's not sure why it's his job, but he goes upstairs anyway and follows the gaggle of voices to what must be Madge's room.

oOo

"There you go," Prim says, beaming. "All stitched up."

"Oh, wow," Posy says in awe. "You're all better now, Gale?"

"Sure am," he replies, ruffling his sister's hair with his uninjured hand. "Thanks to Prim."

"Prim, this is amazing," Katniss says as she examines Gale's stitched up hand. "You're just as good as Mother."

Prim almost glows with pride at her older sister's praise. "You think so?" Then her face falls a little. "I don't know, maybe I should've made the stitches a bit tighter…" She bites her lip.

"No, no, it looks perfect," Rory trips all over himself to reassure her.

Prim's smile is back. "Thanks, Rory."

"You're, ah, welcome," he mutters, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand sheepishly.

"Nice to know what your real concern was this whole time, Rory," Gale says, rolling his eyes. Before his younger brother can respond, he notices Cinna standing there in the doorway. "Who are you?" Gale asks, eyeing Cinna's gold eyeliner suspiciously.

Katniss tenses but says in a cool, neutral voice, "This is Cinna, my stylist."

"It's a pleasure to meet you all," Cinna says lightly.

There's a chorus of _you toos_ from everyone in the room except Katniss, Prim and Madge. Gale's sounds rather forced. Peeta's is polite and friendly.

"You're from the Capitol?" little Posy asks.

"Yes," he says.

"Do you know Finnick Odair?" Her eyes are huge.

Cinna bites the inside of his lip to keep from laughing. "I do. He's a friend of mine."

And suddenly every female in the room, with the exception of Katniss, has their gaze fixed on Cinna.

"A friend?" That's Madge.

"Where'd you meet him?" Prim asks barely half a second later.

Gale and Rory are wearing identical scowls. Peeta just looks amused.

Vick, meanwhile, seems to be bored. "Who cares about Finnick Odair? Let's go back to the food. Come on, Rory, Posy." He takes his sister by the hand.

"But— But Finnick Odair!" Posy wails as she's dragged towards the stairs.

Cinna finally cracks and bursts out laughing. Katniss and Peeta join him.

"I think we should all get back to the dinner," Madge says ruefully. To Gale, she says, "Are you sure your hand's okay?"

"Yes," he answers gruffly. "Thanks, Prim. And…" He turns back to Madge. "Thanks for letting us use your room, and the supplies…" He's clearly uncomfortable. He looks at Madge like he's seeing her properly for the first time.

Her cheeks glow pink. "It was no trouble at all."

Cinna watches Katniss, who is watching her two friends.

She looks relieved, Cinna decides, and maybe just a little bit sad.

**Day 15**

The ceremony for Banoc and the victory rally for Katniss take place in the town square during the Harvest Festival. Katniss stands up on the stage and gives the scripted reply, then adds that Banoc was kind to her during the week preceding the Games. She says she's sorry she never got to know him.

Mrs. Mellark's hard eyes do not soften. Mr. Mellark wipes a tear out of the corner of his eye. The remaining Mellark brothers stare at Katniss, the gratitude in their expressions overwhelmed by their grief.

Afterwards, when the feast starts, Cinna sees Peeta make his way over to where Katniss is sitting with her sister, watching with a look of pure joy on her face as all the starving children fill their bellies.

Cinna watches them talk. Watches Katniss smile at the blue-eyed boy. Watches her laugh at something Peeta says as he gestures to the bread on the table. He shouldn't feel this hollow inside, but he does.

He's resolved not to tell her how he feels, but can he really stand by and just watch as she falls for someone else? Is he really okay with that? It's him she wants now, not Peeta, but eventually her feelings for Cinna will fade, and then what will he have left? Just an aching longing for what could have been.

Of course he knows that they will never really be able to be together as long as the Capitol remains in power, but hiding how he feels will not help her, in the end. She will be forced into the beds of Capitol strangers regardless of what he does.

" _You'd be surprised by how much more danger she's in now that she's been crowned. There are worse things than death. Worse ways to lose the people you love."_

Cinna did not understand the words before. But he understands them now.

Finnick has no choice but to sell his body, and that's worse than death. But Annie, crazy Annie, keeps him sane. Cinna could tell that just from the way Finnick spoke of her, just from the way he looked at her. She's the only thing that keeps him hanging on.

Cinna wants to be that for Katniss. More than anything. He wants it to be him Katniss turns to when her entire world is falling out from under her feet, not Peeta or Gale.

Katniss looks up from where she's sitting with Peeta and sees Cinna watching her. He studies her face. He remembers what he said the night before: _"Well, it wasn't exactly a challenge to make her look that way, given how beautiful she normally is."_

He didn't mean conventional beauty. Most people would find Madge and Annie and Johanna far more attractive than Katniss. Back during her Games, all the sponsors favored Glimmer's stunning features over Katniss' slightly plain ones.

But there's something so beautiful in the way Katniss carries herself, in the way she holds her head high. Something beautiful in the desperation in her eyes when she stepped forward to take her sister's place, when she raced to find Rue and sang her to death and covered her in flowers.

Not just something beautiful. Something _real_. Strength and compassion and fire. Spirit.

Something beautiful, something real…

Something human.

oOo

The Victory Tour ends with the Harvest festival, but the reporters want interviews. Mostly with Katniss, but also with her family and friends and Haymitch and Effie and Cinna, and they even ask the prep team a question or two.

They film another segment on Katniss' talent, and Cinna's asked what it's like to teach Katniss. Standing behind the reporters and out of the view of the cameras, Katniss smirks at him as he is forced to lie through his teeth and go on and on about what a wonderful, motivated student she is.

By the time the reporters are satisfied, it's nearly midnight. The mayor comes by to announce that there's a snow storm brewing in District 7 and they'll get caught right in the middle of it if they leave tonight, so Cinna and Effie and the prep team and all the Capitol attendants on the train end up having to stay the night in District 12 again.

They sleep where they did the night before: the Capitol attendants in spare rooms in the Justice Building, and the prep team, Effie and Cinna at Katniss's.

He's in a room on the third floor—Katniss's floor. An hour after Prim and Mrs. Everdeen go to sleep, Katniss knocks lightly on his door.

"Come in," he says.

She opens the door, slips inside, then shuts it quietly behind her.

"Hey," she murmurs. "Can I sit down?"

He pats the bed and Katniss sits down beside him, her legs dangling over the side.

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Then Katniss says, "You're so confusing."

" _I_ 'm confusing?" She's the one who's confusing.

"Yes," she says. "The night before we got to District Six…" She takes a deep breath. "You looked at me like I'd changed into some sort of horrible monster and destroyed everything you'd ever known. I thought you hated me." He opens his mouth to protest, but she plows on. "Obviously I know now that you didn't, but that's what I thought at the time. And then you apologized yesterday on the train, and what you said at Madge's, about me being beautiful…" She trails off. She looks so uncertain. "I just don't understand anything you do. You looked at me before like you hated me, and now sometimes you look at me like—" She abruptly cuts off.

"Like what?" he urges her to continue.

She shakes her head and repeats, "I just don't understand."

"How do you think I felt when you suddenly started avoiding me?" he counters. "I was afraid you thought I would hurt you or something—"

"I did think that," she says. "And you did hurt me."

He feels like he's been punched in the gut. Katniss seems to notice and she hurries to add, "It's not your fault at all. I knew you didn't feel that way about me, and there was never a point where I expected you to. But— I mean, I told myself again and again that it was stupid, but it still hurt." Her shoulders slump and she stares down at the floor with tired eyes, like it's taken all of her energy to admit this much, to be so open about her feelings.

There's no way he can hide the truth after hearing that.

"Katniss," he sighs.

She sits up straight again and meets his eyes. "I'd better go," she says, her voice quavering ever so slightly. "I'm only in here because I'm trying to avoid Buttercup. He came into my room to annoy me."

"He's a cat," Cinna points out. "I seriously doubt he went into your room with the specific purpose of bothering you."

Katniss looks positively mutinous. "He's not a cat, he's a _demon_. No one ever believes me. I should've drowned him when I had the chance—"

He kisses her. Slips his hands into her loose, silken hair. Realizes she's not responding and instantly pulls back.

"I'm sorry, I'm should've asked first—"

"Haymitch put you up to this, didn't he?" she demands.

He frowns at her, confused now. She's angry and he deserves that, but this doesn't seem to be about him kissing her without getting her consent. "Put me up to what?"

" _This!_ " She gestures between them and then at her lips.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he says honestly.

She searches his eyes for a few seconds, and then deflates. "You mean he didn't tell you…"

"Tell me what?" he asks patiently.

"The morning after we left the Capitol, he started explaining exactly how the whole deal with Snow would work," she says. She's not looking at him. "And he told me— He said that he'd spoken to a lot of the other victors who were forced to—you know—and most of them said that the most important piece of advice they could give was that I shouldn't go into the whole thing as a—as a virgin. They said it made things a million times better to know that their first time had been with someone they knew they could trust, someone who wouldn't be—violent. So Haymitch told me I should find someone before the Quell starts—"

"And he suggested me," Cinna guesses. "You thought he'd told me all of this and that was why I kissed you."

"Yes," she says. "Because I know you. I know that you would do that for me if you thought it would help me, regardless of how wrong it would feel to you, regardless of how much you would regret it afterwards." She stops trying to avoid his gaze and allows her gray eyes to bore directly into his green ones. "But I'm telling you now that it won't help. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me."

She stands up to leave. He catches her hands, stops her. Holds her there with him, where he always wants her to be.

"That's not why I kissed you," he reminds her. "I never even considered any of that."

"Then why _did_ you kiss me?" She sounds utterly baffled.

He can't help but find it funny that Katniss is normally so observant and yet is somehow missing what's staring her right in the face.

"Because I wanted to," he says simply.

Her face darkens. "I don't want your pity."

"It's not pity," he insists. "It's attraction."

"Attraction," she repeats dubiously.

So he explains. Tells her everything. Tells her about his confusion, his denial, his jealousy. And when he's done and he asks if he can kiss her, she tells him yes but doesn't say she believes him.

So he dips his head down and kisses her shoulder, the hollow of her throat, the pulse point in her neck, her jawline, the corner of her mouth—

She lets out a breathless laugh and says, "Okay, okay, I believe you."

He pulls her into his lap and this time she kisses him back, and it's not the all-consuming fire he imagined. And he's glad, because that's the kind of fire that glows so brightly but quickly turns to ash, and when it does people suddenly realize that they've been standing too close to it and they've been burned beyond recognition.

He and Katniss know how to handle fire; they know to stay close enough to feel the warmth, but far enough that the flames won't scorch them.

And what do flames matter, anyway, compared to her? With her lips moving fiercely yet clumsily against his and her fingers fumbling with the buttons of his shirt and her face cradled tenderly in his hands, nothing in the world matters more than her.

oOo

Cinna remembers one of the caretakers at the orphanage, Mrs. Lacklas, telling him a story when he was fifteen, a story that originated from the civilization of Ancient Greece.

In the beginning, the story goes, all humans were composed of two bodies merged into one, until they attacked the gods and the mighty Zeus decided to punish them by cutting them in half, so that they walked on two legs instead of four.

_So now,_ the middle-aged caretaker told him, _people search for their other half. Those that were made of two male bodies seek out other men, those that were made of two female bodies seek out other women, and those that were made of one male body and one female body seek out their opposite. Those who cannot find their true other half settle for someone else's. Love that lasts a lifetime is between two people who were meant to be one; love that does not is between two people who cannot find or have already lost their true other half. Sex is not simply driven by lust or a desire to have children. It is driven by a longing to be united once more. It is the pursuit of unattainable wholeness._

Cinna has never, up until this night, understood the story. He has been with several people, both men and women, and in being with them has never even caught a glimpse of the wholeness Mrs. Lacklas spoke of, perhaps because he has never before thought of himself as incomplete. He has both loved and lost, but never has he felt either the presence of wholeness or its absence.

As his fingers trace Katniss's every scar, as he runs his tongue along the hollow between her breasts and tastes the beads of moisture gathered there, as they come together and she presses her mouth to his shoulder to stifle her scream, he finally understands.

But Mrs. Lacklas was wrong about one thing. Wholeness is not unattainable.

This is wholeness. Tangled up in Katniss, he is whole.

**Day 16**

He wakes up to find Katniss's hair in his face and his arm draped over her. It's 6:37 in the morning and the train is leaving at nine, so he really should get her out of his room before Effie's obsessive need to be punctual kicks in and they're caught naked in bed together. He doesn't even want to imagine the punishment Katniss's mother would inflict upon him.

But instead he just stares at his girl. The slope of her nose, the curve of her small mouth, the relaxed line of her brow, her fluttering lashes…

Fluttering lashes? Oh. She's waking up.

Normally he's inwardly nervous the morning after, but all he can think now is that she didn't have any nightmares last night, not one. The few times he slept in her bed before, holding her in his arms, she always woke up, frantic and screaming in terror, at least once. Then he would lull her back to sleep.

"Mmm… Good morning," she murmurs, and kisses the tip of his nose.

And he thinks, _I could get used to this._

oOo

More than two hours later, he is standing at the train station with Katniss, trying to delay the inevitable. He's already said goodbye to her mother and Prim and Haymitch, who are talking with Effie some distance away—or in Haymitch's case, scowling at her.

"It's just six months," Katniss points out. "Same as before the Tour."

"Right," he says. "Six months, and then…"

"And then," Katniss repeats, paling slightly as she no doubt thinks of the pain the Quarter Quell will bring her.

Cinna really, really hates Quarter Quells.

He pulls Katniss into his arms, kisses the top of her head. "You'll be okay," he promises.

She laughs shakily. "Still betting on me, huh?"

He closes his eyes, buries his face in her hair.

"I'm always betting on you."

**Epilogue**

Cinna really isn't sure how it all began—if it's Effie's fault or Finnick's or Enobaria's or Peeta's or whoever else's—but in the end all that matters is that it did.

Mrs. Lacklas's words were true in a way, he's realized. Permanent wholeness is unattainable. He was whole for a short time, but now he has been separated from Katniss. He won't see her again until the Quarter Quell starts, and when it does, so will Katniss's forced prostitution.

But Katniss is strong, and so is he. They'll survive this. Maybe someday, they'll be free of the Capitol. Until then, all he knows is that he will steal every possible moment with her that he can. He's had sixteen days with Katniss, sixteen days that changed everything, and yet he's wasted most of them. He won't waste any more.

And somehow, that is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> The story Cinna heard from the orphanage caretaker is a very short and lacking summary of Aristophanes' speech on love in Plato's Symposium. You can find the speech online, if you're interested.
> 
> For those of you who read this whole thing, I hope you enjoyed it at least a little. Also, feedback on things like characterization and whether the progression of Cinna and Katniss's relationship seemed natural or artificial would be greatly appreciated.
> 
> Hope you are all having a wonderul day!


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